First Paying Acting Gig – Achievement Unlocked

Yes, you read that correctly. Last Sunday and Monday marked my first paid acting gig. I was a featured extra in a Netflix original coming out in 2019. You will see my face (hopefully) but seeing my backside is a guarantee. I always knew it would be my rear that got me into show business (half kidding).

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Anyway, I cannot give you too many details because I was not given too many details but, there is a definite roaring fire lit under me.

What’s next for me?

I continue to submit for roles and have even started the process of submitting for representation. I am of two minds on the latter but hoping for a positive outcome with what I have so far. I KNOW I need new headshots. The ones that I have a great for a “beginner” but I don’t want people to look at me as such. I AM an actress and one that wants to put foot forward always.

I’ve been cast in a webseries as the far too young wife for another character. This was completely accidental. The Writer/Director wanted someone younger for the husband character but it just did not work out that. Personally, I’m interested in how he will work this out since he is rather creative. This webseries is hilarious and I’m already in love with it.

I’m hoping for a few callbacks, as always! That’s just a constant state of being for me now.

All in all, I’m feeling great. I am pump. Working that first ten hour day into the following fourteen hour day showed me that I CAN do this. I just have to keep working hard, staying positive and believing in myself. When I can’t believe in me, then I’ll believe in all of the others that have expressly stated that they believe in me. I won’t let anyone down.

I have not modeled in quite sometime. My focus entirely shifted to acting. I do not regret that but, I do miss it so, I’ll be trying to find time to work with some super awesome photographers.

I’ve working on MY webseries. Yes, you read that correctly as well, I am writing a supernatural webseries script that I hope will go into rotation with some cool creatives.

On top of all of that, I’m returning to this blog. I’m upset that it went dormant and will be trying to update it frequently with my thoughts, feelings and fun stuff. My next post will probably be a PSA on why men who claim to be my friend need to stop sending me pictures and videos of their junk. Yup, that happened.

Things you missed!

While this post is about my first paying gig, I’ve been working a lot and that’s been wonderful. I’ve been on set with some fabulous talents that I’ll be talking about soon when the videos come out.

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Anyway, love you. Miss you. Not going to kiss you ❤

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Accountability Check for January

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I am trying to make this year more productive. I say that every year, but the key is to keep getting back up on the horse, right? In any case, let’s take a look at the productive moments of January!

Usual Rangers 5 Shenanigans:

  • I met the Usual Rangers 5 at Blerdcon last year and basically fell in love with them (mainly Cree lol). By chance of fate, they ended up not only accepting me as the rangers fanatic that I am, but also accepted me as a friend. Cree is actually doing a cosplay for ALL 28 days of February (see the 28 days of black cosplay for reference). Click the links to go see her work (Instagram, Facebook, Usual Rangers 5 Facebook). Cree contacted me and asked if I’d like to be part of the group for a shoot with the Washington Post. I don’t know if she expected me to say no but, I said yes… enthusiastically. Next thing I know, I have these wonderful people in my apartment for three whole days and it was one of the most soul-lifting experiences of my life. They are family now and forever. I’m tearing up just writing this. This brings me to my next point…

POWER

(photo by CC)

The Washington Post:

  • So, as stated, we got to shoot with the Washington Post. I am fully aware it wasn’t about me but, I GOT TO WORK WITH MARVIN JOSEPH. To put this into perspective, he photographed the King of Wakanda the next day. Firstly, thank you Cree for the invite! Second, holy crap! What an experience. The issue comes of on February 11th so, make sure you pick up a copy! I’ll be the one in pink.

 

New Job:

  • I got a new job. After dealing with a rather upsetting lay off, I got a new job a week later with a great company and I’m excited to do my best for them. They are truly wonderful so, hoping for the best.

 

Fightguy Photography Finally:

  • One of the first photographers I ever reached out to when I started modeling was Craig Lawrence of Fightguy Photography… my message went unanswered. HOWEVER, I finally got to do a test shoot as part of my audition for Sucker Punch 4, his charity campaign for RAINN! This is an amazing opportunity to not only get to work with him and his crew of fabulous people but to also show my support for those affected by sexual violence. As someone who has been affected by sexual and physical violence this is a cause that matters to me. Representation matters. I would be absolutely honored to be a part of this project.
  • Photo at the top of this post is by Fightguy Photography!

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Breached 1K on Instagram:

  • This one is shallow but, I am proud of it. These are 1000 people who organically came and supported what I like to do. These are people who are entertained by my art, videos and weirdness and that means the absolute world to me. Thank you!

NEEKS

It was a good month for me and I’m going to try and make February just as great!

I think this is going to be a Twitch focused month. I’m going to try and get to 50 followers and nail down a consistent streaming schedule. I’m also focusing on acting and keeping my head on straight. Oh, life.

❤ Neeks

The Crow’s Eye

If you have not already, please check out my playthrough of The Crow’s Eye! It is an independently developed psychological thriller for PC (available on Steam) and although I am NOT a fan of horror games, this was quite enjoyable once I got into it.

I already have a complete, no-spoilers review ready to be published for you guys but, I wanted to wait until I had finished editing the game play and put it all up. So, until then, I will reserve my final thoughts for later.

❤ Neeks

Merry Holidays, Happy Christmas

As we exit what will likely go down in the history books as the most offensively barbaric, obscenely idiotic, and moronically backward year of the modern age, I’m forced to think of how I can better myself. Yes, here come the resolutions.

I, Neeks, am sitting on my couch watching Troll Hunters on Netflix reflecting on the year (sans anything political) and looking at this barren blog for the umpteenth time wondering how to best fill it with more. More blog entries about the things I love to write about! More, more, more.

Best case scenario, I get picked up by another organization to write about tech, nerdom and entertainment. Worst case, I write anyway and hope to get picked up later. Best case is preferable but worst case is not even that bad. Really, I just feel ready.

For this past year I have had this unshakable feeling of incompleteness. I would write a piece for this blog, get half way through and just stop because I felt like it was not reaching anyone. I felt like it was nothing but deep inside, I wanted it to be something. I needed it to be something. This feeling appeared during shoots and whenever I’d be filming for my channel. I wanted more.

Then I realized that I was not doing more.

Wanting more while simultaneously doing nothing to propel myself, talents and material meant that I was stuck in this constant loop of needing and not receiving. That, for someone like me, is absolutely no good. Especially when everyone around you is wishing you the best, investing in you and putting absolute faith in you. I felt like I was not only letting myself down but, also, everyone around me down.

So this is my solemn swear to this blog and to the people around me (though they may never see this post) that I will get my figurative shit together.

This year, I was published four times (five if you count that atrocious photo-shopped mess of a calendar). I was featured on several blogs and instagrams for my modeling as well. I got to act and work on film sets, featured role once. Next year, I am going to top that.

  • Going for a minimum of five [good] modeling publications.
  • Aiming for at least two featured roles with acting plus as many background parts as I can humanly handle. I am going to add to this, getting myself in some classes. I believe training is just as important.
  • For my YouTube channel, work on some constant and new work. Gaming videos are great, but I simply do not want my channel to turn into a game play only channel. I believe I can push myself to film some skits, informational videos and just random hilarity with friends. I also want to make a more concerted effort to continue my “Person of Interest” stories. They really filled me with joy.
  • For my Twitch channel, I’ll honestly just work on streaming and being comfortable about it.
  • Work on my art. It’s therapeutic and everyone could use some therapy these days.

These goals seem entirely attainable if I stick with them. I believe in myself and that is truly half the hard battle.

In any case, here is hoping to a successful year and years after. Let’s do this!

The Maenads of Myth.

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Over the weekend I got to not only meet up with and shoot with two of my favorite model babes (Anna Marx and Lolita Marie) but, I also got to meet and shoot with James Phelps of Photos by Phelps and Avalon Creative Arts. He is basically the master of capturing curvy women. Do not get me wrong, I am BEYOND grateful to have even been considered for this shoot, but it was definitely daunting to be up there with those two pros. This experience has really refilled my internal “go-getter” meter. When you work with greatness, you just want to get getting better.

What is a “Maenad,” you may be asking. To simplify thousands of years of Greek Mythology, the Maenads were the feral, beautiful, sexy raving mad women often associated with Dionysus.

Credits:

Creative Director & Model: Anna Marx

Costume and Prop Designer: Anna Marx

Hair Stylist: Anna Marx

MUA & Model: Lolita Marie

Photographer: James Phelps

Weirdo Model: Me

 

I love everyone involved with this and hope I get to work with them again! Hope you all enjoy!

As always you can find me in many places. Go to them!

<3Neeks

 

 

 

PROJECT NO FEAR: My Inner Demons

It took me this long to figure out what to say in Phase Two of this project because, although I did know exactly what my loudest inner demons were, I had no idea how to properly express why they were the loudest or how they truly made me feel. I think I know how to describe it now.

My inner demons are Depression and Anxiety. They have been with me for a long time now and have become somewhat akin to annoying aunts and uncles who have overstayed their welcome. Depression would be the aunt. always giving backhanded compliments and always showing up unannounced while you’re in the shower or something. Anxiety is the uncle, loud and obnoxious. You can feel uncle anxiety from a mile away but know that you cannot escape him. He is coming with cigar smoke to blow in your face. He is coming to take over your couch and watch loud football in you living room. He is coming to eat all of your food and then complain when you run out of cheesy puffs. He is coming, you know he is, but stubbornly you try to stand your ground because its your damn house, your damn couch and your damn food… but in the end he gets it all for a little while. When Uncle Anxiety and Aunt Depression finally leave, they do it with no pomp or circumstance because they have already done enough damage. No reward for giving your time and mental fortitude, no money to recoup the costs of damages. They leave and you are sitting on your kitchen floor drained of all energy in a pool of melted ice cream and tears. You are extremely humiliated and embarrassed by them and by your reactions to them. You are upset that you cannot just make them leave and be gone forever. You are upset that they’ll come back you do not know when. It’s a mess.

There is a bit of humor in there obviously, without humor I would not be here today to write this., but that is the best way for me to describe how it feels to have these sneaky little demons in my head and with me all the time.

I used to think that Depression and Anxiety would make me unlovable and unlikable. In fact, I have been told by actual human beings that my depression and anxiety make me unlikable and unlovable. Nevertheless, I try. The truth is, I’m genuinely happy most days. The other truth is that sometimes I force myself to be happy. However, though there are days when I win and win hard… there are still days that I lose. I take the L and move on most times.

I’ve been told that I need to seek treatment and be cured. I’m not ever going to be cured because it’s not that kind of disease. I’m okay with that. I have learned to live with that. I have definite safe guards in place and make sure to always tell my support system what’s going on. My family and my boyfriend have never once shunned me for who I am or what these two demons do to me and that is a WIN!

I’m open about this because I know what it feels like to be so close to ending everything and want others living with this to feel safe if they come to me with their concerns. It’s so easy to think that no one will care, but I do! I really, really do.

A classmate from my first semester of college.

A friend from high school.

An old student from when I was a martial arts instructor. 

Three people gone because they just didn’t think anyone would care. Three people gone because they simply thought they weren’t worth someones time.

If me talking to someone for a few minutes or even a few hours talks them away from the edge then you bet your ass I’ll make it happen.

If you’re reading this, you’re loved!

XOXO ❤ Neeks

Featured Photos by Beauty by Photography! Love her.Trapped

The Furious Housewife Geisha?

Don’t let the title fool you, this set is fire!

My dear friend, burlesque dancer and creative spirit came to do a shoot with me a while ago and I just completely forgot to write about it. I posted the full set on my FACEBOOK PAGE and some on my PHOTOGRAPHY INSTAGRAM PAGE. They were are so enchanting.

Let me start out by saying that Curly Bright (real name omitted for safety reasons) and I met in pole class. That’s right, we are pole sisters! That could have been phrased differently, I’m sure, however the sentiment remains the same. I’m so thankful that she transferred into the class because she is such a breath of fresh air. Her energy is always high, she is a positive force of nature, a complete and total nerd and did I mention she is smart as a whip? I could go on and on about this girl but lets get into why you’re really here, boobs.

As stated, Curly Bright is a burlesque dancer and not at all shy about her body. For me, that’s awesome. The female form is lovely and she had great ideas on how to use her relatively naked body to her advantage in this shoot. She is a master at styling as well and just wait until you see the geisha inspired face pain she put on.

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Isn’t she lovely?

When she originally approached me about the idea the first thing she said was, “Wouldn’t it be funny to see a geisha with rollers in her hair doing house work?” It’s quirky statements that make for the best photo-shoot ideas.

Look at the colors! It is so rare that I stare in awe of photos that I take myself but I was so proud of the final colors in this shoot. She set everything up in such a way that the end result could only be fantastic. Wait, is that a katana?

It is, indeed! There was also a vacuum involved. The scorned housewife geisha who is honestly sick of everyone’s shit. I think she nailed the concept, don’t you?

Want to see more Curly Bright? That’s great! Check out her FACEBOOK PAGE and her INSTAGRAM PAGE! Tell her Neeks sent you and throw her some mad love!

Until next shoot!

❤ XOXO Neeks