It’s my birthday and like with every cycle around the sun I like to sit and reflect on personal growth, achievements, shortcomings and just how the year went. Am I where I thought I’d be? Did I do what I set out to do? Am I any different than I was?
When I turned 25, I dubbed it the year of no fear. I was going to do anything and everything my little heart desired. I did that. It was a slow start to be honest. I am really not someone who necessarily “likes” going out of her comfort zone but I did it. I jumped back into modeling and thankfully so. As my channel slowed down and my sewing took less of a primary focus I really needed something creative to be doing. Has it been all rainbows and sunshine? No. I’ve had photographers tell me I’m not the “look” they want (code name: you’re black), I’ve seen gigs go to people who do not even know what they doing knowing I could have done better and I’ve experienced a great deal of jealousy over it. I will not let those factors stop me this time around but I know getting over will be difficult. I also started pole fitness classes! I was not sure if I’d like it but now I love it. I look forward to it every week. It’s kind of pricey, and I hate that, but it’s become worth it. I’ve made some great friends in the class and it’s just awesome. I literally feel my body changing as the sessions progress and that is a missed feeling.
I’ve dabbled in makeup. I’ve never been “good” at it but recently I’ve noticed vast improvement in application and blending. I still need to figure out this whole eye-liner thing though.
I’ve landed my first “big-girl” job. This still feels a bit delayed to me. I’ve got friends who are married and with kids. Friends with beach houses in France. Friends who are just rolling in money it seems like… but I realize now that though I may feel my success is delayed, everyone feels that to some degree. I’m going to make a great life for myself, I know that, just have to be calm and focused.
I’ve moved into my own place with a guy that I see a future with. On top of that, we are making it work. There is actual communicating happening in a young relationship! This is unheard of, guys, I know. If you read any of my previous posts, you know that both me and Hunter are not the best communicators but we make time and it happens. We’re both stubborn, we’re both absolutely awful with emotions (in my opinion) but somehow we pushed passed that and made a home.
My family is amazing and I am sad it took me until last year really to fully realize this. I’m not saying I never know but I had a random “AHA” moment one day and just… well, it came to me that my family is the most supportive group of people randomly put together on Earth. We are powerful even when arguing. I love them and they love me know matter what I’m doing.
So this post does not get too long (or mushy), I AM different. This year is going to continue to be the year of no fear while work out some other goals to strive for. As for right now, the goal is be happy, love my friends and family and get my channel on a consistent film schedule!
Until next time!